2020 was one of the most significant and amongst the best years of my life.

Wow, that feels a bit scary to say given how much turmoil, suffering and uncertainty that is happening in the world right now.

And before I explain more, my heart goes out to everyone who is suffering whether it is due to COVID, lockdowns, job loss, anxiety, natural disasters, political turmoil, or for hundreds of other factors that have existed long before 2020. Now more than ever, I deeply appreciate just how fortunate I’ve been in my life.

But the truth is in 2020 I changed the course of my life. It was the year I put my heart and soul in the driver's seat and stepped past my deepest fears towards my true purpose.

Purpose Guiding

It was one year ago, on New Year’s Eve, that I did something that scared the shit out of me. I made a FB post sharing that I was following my newly discovered purpose of becoming a life-coach and that I was looking for a few people to be my beta-clients to go through a Purpose Discovery program I training in.

I had been in the business world since college. Starting over on a new path in the realm of personal growth made no sense to my logical mind. Especially when I had no idea what I was getting myself into. All I knew is that something deep was calling me and that I couldn’t ignore it.

One of my biggest fears I had to overcome (and if I’m honest with myself I’m still working on this) is the fear of judgment. For most of my life judging, analyzing and evaluating served me well, especially in school and work. So it is natural to assume that others might be viewing me through a similar filter.

So through that lens, I was projecting all the judgments I was having about not only making this shift but telling the world about it. And all of these fears were racing through my mind.

It’s too late to make this change?

Do you really want to start all over?

Who are you to be a coach?

What if you can’t make a living doing something you love?

What if you fail?

Despite all those limiting thoughts, I knew deep down I had to do this, so I pressed the “post” button and to my surprise, I quickly connected to four amazing souls who trusted me to take them through a 6-month process.

I was excited, I was nervous and even a little bit skeptical. Then the fears really started to build up. These people were trusting me to help them connect to their true purpose. And knowing just how impactful it was for me to discover mine, I did not want to let them down. And I was realizing something else, I had an expectation that after discovering my “true purpose”, I would effortlessly flow into action with no fear, and yet my fears were only growing as the stakes were getting higher. I knew I need support to stay in action and not let my fears keep me stuck.

Finding my coach who wasn’t who I expected but exactly who I needed

So in February, I reconnected with this free-spirit of a woman, Jamie, who was my "buddy” a few months earlier at a Tony Robbins conference. She had started life-coach just a year earlier. She invited me to do a introductory group coaching challenge that she was coaching and by the end, I became one her clients paying clients.

I had the expectation that I’d be a wise “gray hair” likely a former business executive. But I chose this younger single mom of four who had recently become a coach because she was so fearless and self-expressed. And most importantly because she was walking the talk. She was unstoppable and following her purpose with courage and commitment. Jamie supported me to reconnect to my vision and moving past my fears. She helped me let go of caring so much about what other people think of me.

I no longer took for granted just how incredibly lucky I’ve been in my life and I realized that I don’t want to spend however long I have left living in fear of judgment. And by working with my own coach, I realized the critical value of getting support to keep moving through fear, especially during a time of change. This was a huge shift for me. I used to think that needing help was a sign of weakness. But I saw how we all have a huge blindspot and having someone else, hold space and reflect back is such a powerful.

This is it! Alignment Coaching.

In August, after my Purpose Guiding program had ended and wondering what was next, my coach Jamie invited me to be one of her coaches for her upcoming 5-day coaching challenge. I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into but I tuned into my gut feeling and I was a definite “yes”.

But it was then I realized that since my 2019 New Years’ post, that I had been hiding and not sharing publicly what I was really up to. Eight months had passed working with my practice clients and training with Purpose Guides Institute, but I had been treating all of it as a secret side project.

And now I was stuck, I couldn’t publish my website, I didn’t want to tell everyone that this was more than an experiment. I wondered how I was going to support people to make big bold leaps in their life if I was stuck sharing about my journey.

So with a ton of trepidation and a lot of support from my coach, I did my first live FB video sharing the story of my journey to the precipice of coaching. My deep fears of being shunned for sharing my story were actually blocking me from fully stepping into my power to serve others.

So once I did that video, a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders and I was able to let go of my own doubts and fears and I coached 8 people over 5 days and fully absorbed that I was truly living out the vision I had but that seemed so far away at the beginning of the year.

During that coaching challenge, I realized that I truly love supporting people to connect to themselves. I didn’t have to advise or consult or fix them. I just had to create a safe space for people to be able to listen to their own inner voice and see that they are more than their fears and thoughts. We all have so much inner wisdom about what it best for us but it is often drowned out by our “monkey minds” that are trying to keep us safe, but are often causing more problems for us.

And I was getting amazing feedback from my clients despite the fact I knew I had so much more to learn. I saw the powerful combination of these two distinct disciplines: “purpose guiding” people to connect deeply to what is calling them; and then “coaching” them to take aligned steps, past their deepest fears, towards their vision. This is what I’m calling “Alignment Coaching”.

My next big fear after I realized that I love coaching is actually getting paying clients. This felt very different than business consulting. It felt vulnerable and scary to get paid for something I was just figuring out how to do. It was a fear that I’ve had since the beginning...will I ever be able to get paid for doing something I love doing.

And somehow within a few weeks, I had 4 paying clients. I couldn’t believe my vision that I had fleshed out back in February continued to come true.

It’s the end of the world as we know it…

And all of this was on the backdrop of events unfolding in our world that were truly frightening. Chaos, fear and uncertainty were growing at unprecedented levels. It felt like the world was unraveling.

There’s a saying in coaching and therapy “you got to feel it to heal it”. And that’s what happened for us collectively in 2020. All the fear that’s been lurking below the surface for so long has surfaced for us all to examine and process. My clients were feeling it strongly and so was I.

2020 forced me to examine my fears, my judgments of others, my doubts and my despair. And while these emotions felt overwhelming at times, when I slowed down and really connected to them I started to feel a sense of gratitude and hope emerged.

I’ve longtime feared that planet earth was heading for a massive extinction event. When I was young it was that nuclear war would be the reason. And for the last 30 years it was a combination of pollution, resource depletion and climate change. Early on I was worried about my future grandchildren, then it was for my kids and now we are experiencing it first hand.

When the wildfires choked the Bay Area and most of the western U.S. in thick smoke for the fourth year in a row I knew that the future I had been fearing was here. Yet paradoxically, I also had a sense of optimism. We had all seen how fast the natural world regenerated when the first shutdown happened in March. And it really felt that people were really starting to wake up to what we were doing to our beautiful planet.

Just like in our personal lives, awareness of the problem was the key to making a change and the world woke up in 2020 to just how interconnected we all are.

And then all the chaos around the election made us all realize how divided we are as a country. And I could see that we have two sides that really believe that the “other side” is to blame for all of our problems.

I’m realizing that we need to come together on our shared values vs. shaming and blaming and being so entrenched in how we make changes. Can we let go of being right all the time?

Sharing for breakthroughs

Most of my big breakthroughs this year have come from me moving past fears, being vulnerable, being courageous, sharing, letting go of judgment and stop hiding.

But since November I feel like I’ve been out of the spotlight for the past few months, laying low over the holidays and really letting go of pushing and striving to prove myself that I made the right choice going down this path of purpose.

I’ve been reflecting on why I feel the need to prove myself? Can I let go of always feeling like I need to keep networking and putting myself out there to grow my business.

It’s a conundrum. On one hand, when I authentically share myself- especially when I’m struggling- a breakthrough often soon follows. Yet when I get out of the flow of sharing I can feel the resistance about sharing start to grow.

Lessons from 2020 for 2021

So as we begin 2021, here’s what I’ll be trying to keep in mind…

All the beauty and all the chaos in the world, is happening for us to wake up, grow up and show up.
Vulnerability is a powerful strength, but only when I’m truly being authentic.
It’s never too late
Our deepest fears often block our path to our true purpose
Try letting go and floating down the river vs. trying to swim upstream
When one door closes, there are other doors opening all around
We can’t do this alone
We don’t have to fix ourselves or anyone else…we are all perfect and whole behind all the fears and resistance
Invite, invite, invite!!
Expectations are the foundation of suffering
Judgment and connection are inversely proportional
Our minds will try to keep us safe by using fear

May 2021 be a year filled with courage, joy and alignment!

Why I’m grateful for 2020…And the lessons I’ve learned